Press Pause

When I received a message from my nephew, the brilliant son of my beautiful sister to write something on depression and suicide,

I immediately answered him a little bit irritated “I only write about the things I experienced. I can’t write about depression; I never felt depressed!”

Or did I?

I was so quick to answer, I did not even allow myself to pause and think...

Why was I so quick to defend myself?

Was it because of society’s dogma on depression? Or the fact that most people start to panic even when only mentioning the words “depression” and “suïcide.”

I reflected back to somewhere in my early twenties,  where I fell in love, eager and desperate for attention and approval. Desperate and keen to hold on to a relationship which was not one worth holding onto.

But without it I felt anxious, sad, unheard, empty and not able to think about anything else. I was obsessed with the need to change for someone else to like me and felt the need to desperately inflict upon myself just to get someones “love” and “attention...”  I tried talking to people, family, friends but nothing seemed to help…

When you feel intense pain inside and you feel as if no one listens or understands all sort of things start to happen...

For instance, you have so much pain inside yourself, that you try and threaten to hurt yourself and sometimes even succeed in doing so because you want help.

You are actually crying out because you want to get better...  You cry out...And hope so desperately to be heard.

But you don’t know that it’s the wrong kind of help you’re asking for…

Your friends, family, the ones you’re closest too struggle to see what’s happening and perceive it as “crying wolf” or “attention seeking”.

So once again, you take part in society, smile, work, take care of your responsibilities, move forward and continue living with the pain you are feeling inside. And you feel ashamed... ashamed of your feelings, for what others may think if they knew the truth, ashamed that you cannot cope with the outside pressures.

In this beautiful rush, we call “Life” we focus so much on mental and physical health…Get an education, get a job, exercise, eating healthy

But when it comes to emotional health,

We learn not to cry, “Feelings are a weakness”. We live our entire lives burying our emotions trying to keep up with society's expectations.

To the point where we break down...

We break down to a point where we do not even know how to cry anymore...To the point where we do extreme things... We threathen to take our own lives.

“And Sometimes we do

The real challenge of today’s society is not how to get a proper education, a proper job, get married, stay healthy…

The real challenges we face are in our ability to

Press Pause...

The ability to press pause and try to understand peoples challenges, Pause and try to understand our own challenges, our ability to feel empathy.

We all experience heartbreak, we all experience fear, loss, loneliness. And we can all experience happiness, companionship, belief, empathy and compassion.

Eventually, I found the help I needed to grow and be Where I am now. 

So can you... and if not, send me a message and we Will figure it out together.

We are in this together…

Let’s get out of this together



Author: Roshni Jagroep

Roshni Jagroep3 Comments