I Will Suffer

It’s been a while. Sorry for that

I could say I was busy, because it may seem like it,

but it’s not. Sometimes I’m sluggish, and I get distracted easily.

Also sorry for that.

Fact is that there is one thing which has been stealing my attention the past few days…so here I am.

I was talking to someone very dear to me, I contacted her for her advice on something work-related, and we brainstormed for a few minutes and just before ending the conversation and saying our “goodbyes” I got the feeling I should ask her about her relationship.

I asked: “Is everything ok, are you happy with your new relationship? She replied: “Ehmmm it’s ok.”

So, of course, I knew right away it was Not ok.

There she was sitting right in front of me with her big wide dark eyes and long, thick dark hair. "What a beauty" I thought to myself.

She continued...

“This is the first time someone has mistreated me so badly, I can’t understand it, But as much as I have tried, I cannot leave.”

I felt her answer like a fist punch going straight through my stomach.

We both remained silent for a few moments.

Something that sounded remarkably familiar. Maybe because I single-handedly experienced the same feeling not one time but many times.

So how is it that we can endure so much agony?

For me being without a relationship meant being alone with myself.

Being alone can be experienced as worse than being in the greatest pain a relationship produces.

Because to be alone means to feel the stirrings of the great pain from the present combined with all the childhood experienced traumas from the past.

And we hear all kinds of things like: “Why does she put up with it? “What does she see in him anyway?” “She can do so much better.”

And It seems like we are making the best of a seemingly unrewarding situation.

So what is the real mystery behind this devoted attachment?

Care to find out?

Author: Roshni Jagroep