Goodbye Soulmate

I always had a clear vision about meeting my “soulmate.”

What I imagined was that my soulmate would be my perfect fit, he would be the person who I’d meet and fall instantaneously in love with. And the feeling would be mutual. We would have the same interests; we would think alike, be alike and share the most exceptional passionate and intimate relationship. We would be in love forever, and the whole world would envy the love and passion we shared.

It wasn’t until I  actually met my soulmate when I realized that I was utterly and entirely wrong.

When thinking about what Elizabeth Gilbert says in her Book Eat, Pray, Love:

People often think that a soulmate is a perfect fit, and that is what everyone wants. But when talking to people around me and learning from my own experience, I see that I had this soulmate thing entirely mistaken.

A true soulmate is probably the most important person we will ever meet, Not because they make everything seem beautiful and make us extremely happy, but rather because they so often brutally tear down our walls and Smack us awake.

The only thing is,

We might not want to marry them.

And the reason we don’t is that it is just too painful. The purpose of our soulmate is to shake us up, to tear us apart and to show us all obstacles and addictions. It is the person who shows us our lifelong built-up insecurities, brings up our pain and fears so much to the level that we think we might go crazy as result of the intensity and anxiety of the relationship.

It is the person who breaks open our heart, who makes us so desperate and out of control that we literally have to transform our life. We literally break open, to let new light in…

And because the intensity of the relationship is so great it is often not possible to have a stable relationship.

Because of the intensity we usually get all fired up together and think we have to stay together forever, but this might not necessarily be the case. Whatever is fired up in us, needed to be fired up but then sometimes, we need them to go…

We need them to go so we can continue on our own journey.

I learned the difference between my soulmate and my partner.

A partner is something else, a spouse, a husband/ wife, Boyfriend or Girlfriend… Someone who is and can actually be your friend.

They are not the mirror who holds up our flaws, but the people who usually say “I think you’re terrific” and We think they are terrific too and we love unconditionnaly.

The people who you feel relaxed and comfortable with, who you know is kind, considerate, caring and accepts you and loves you just the way you are.

It is not a high tension, high intensity, high anxiety relationship, but rather the relationship which nourishes and helps you grow more into the person you need to be.

It is continuously figuring out new ways of how to be kind to each other.

Simple showing up for each other and holding hands along your side by side journey.



Walk into my heart as if you always belonged there, Take down my walls and Set my soul on Fire.          

But I must warn you…

The Light of my True Self, may very well... Blind you.




Author: Roshni Jagroep

References: "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert

Roshni Jagroep9 Comments