One afternoon, only a week after starting my website, I got a call from a friend complementing me on how proud he was, he went on and on saying only beautiful things. And I won't lie, my ego was loving it. So Of course, I did not stop him...
Until, I heard something which right then and there in an instant brought me right back to reality.
He said: "How can it be that a woman like you is still single?"
Believe it or not, this is a question I had to answer a few times this past year... And every time I hear this,
it feels like I have this extreme need to speak out but at the same time, I find myself at a loss for words.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is Not because I don’t know. I know exactly why I am single and why I choose to be..
What I mean is, I find it difficult because when this specific question is asked, I wonder whether my answer is one others will understand.
For the ones speculating, I will do my best to explain...
I believe that as Social human beings we all have a natural need for relationships. Something that originates on a physical level and or on an emotional level.
We need relationships on the physical level, the level of our bodies. Because generally on the physical level, we feel a certain feeling of lack, we are either male or female and need to become one with the opposite sex. Nature has made it this way for us to reproduce. This is wat we experience when we feel physically attracted to someone.
Something a little more complicated is the relationship we experience on the emotional level. We are naturally born social beings with the need for emotional care, the need for emotional attachment and emotional care, we primarily develop this need when we are born in order to survive.
This emotional attachment is something we take with us when we mature; we have the need for emotional connection and attachment which we seek in our partner but also in our friends and family. We feel the need to connect on an emotional level. So we seek out people with the same interests the same background in order to establish a connection a friendship a relationship which helps us to feel that we don't have to be alone.
So many of us have loving relationships and a lot of friends, to satisfy our emotional and physical needs.
Yet, we feel very, very lonely...
What we do is we try to satisfy these feelings of loneliness by looking outside of our relationship, we go out drinking, partying, flirting and sometimes we even have love affairs.
This often happens because there is another relationship, a relationship so important yet forgotten and neglected by so many of us.
However this is probably the most important relationship we can have. A relationship not based on scarcity or lack, feelings of missing someone or something. But rather a relationship based on fulfillment, on wholeness, truth, respect, and trust. The relationship I’m talking about is the relationship on the level of the Soul…Which means a connection on the level of your heart, of your true self.
And I hate to break it to you my friends,
but our souls don't mate…
This soul of yours is whole all by itself... beautifully perfect just the way it is..
Because on the soul level, and I speak from my own experience here, this is the one level in which we are whole, in which no scarcity exists and in which we can feel genuine love.
This is the only relationship which does not come from lack nor the need for anything external. This relationship only asks you to be yourself.
The other two relationships are based on need and scarcity and from what I know this usually ends in disappointment, jealousy, fear. And we cannot mistake this fear for Love.
So am I single?
I am very busy Dating!
Dating my soul...
And In this "singleness" I am rediscovering my wholeness, So I will not mistake Love for Need.
And a relationship will not be a relationship because I am missing or needing something or someone out of lack,
But rather because my cup overflows…
And I can do nothing else but give...
Author: Roshni Jagroep