A few days ago, someone told me he had a dream about me.

A dream in which he heard I'd written a new article…

It's been quite a while I guess this was my sign to sit down and write.

There are a lot of things I keep myself busy with nowadays and writing is somehow, unfortunately, vanishing of that list.  However, there is something I started writing a while back.

Usually, when I write, I write for myself, my own little way of creation, tapping into my inner self, yoga, whatever you want to call it. 

But since I'm appearing in dreams nowadays, this one's for you.

It was not that long ago when curiosity once again kicked in, and I found myself asking my trusted companion, "Google," the definition of a "relationship."

This is what I Found:

"the way in which two or more people are connected, 
the state of being connected."

The reason for my curiosity stems from recent observations, where it seems like the majority of people are more disconnected than ever. 

People who live together for more than 10 years, who are married, have kids together suddenly are getting divorced, having affairs, breaking up. Saying things like I don't feel it anymore. The feeling is gone… 
But what feeling is it that people are missing? 

When you ask what the problem is, people often answer the same thing.
"It's not how it was any more" "He changed" "Things were different in the beginning" "We used to do more things together" I'm not in love anymore.

But when are we In Love? When is it that people fall in love? What is the tipping point, where people wake up one day and as if they press a button and go "I love him" or "I love her"?

What I know for sure is that It's not out of thin air, it takes time.

Like my workout coach says, “ You won't get in shape by working out for 10 hours straight. It doesn't work that way. But when you work out consistently every day , you most likely will start to see results.”

It's the same with relationships, consistency matters more than intensity.

Inconsistencies disrupt the building of trust. However, without knowing people often try a quick fix using intensity; buying expensive gifts, dinners. Being Intense, yet not consistent.

You don't fall in love and say let's get married after having one beautiful dinner.  It's the little stuff, it's the repeat. The way we build relationships, the way we build trust, the way we make connections is when we make time when we give energy in small consistent gestures. 

It's not when you remember her birthday or buy her flowers on valentine's day.
It's when you wake up in the morning, you say good morning to her before you check your phone.
It's when you go to the kitchen to get yourself a drink you ask her if she wants something to drink without her even asking.
She fell in love with you because when you had a fantastic day at work, and she came home from having an awful day at work you didn't say "yeah, yeah, yeah, but let me tell you about my day" You sat and listened to her awful day, and you didn't say a thing about your fantastic day. This is why she fell in love with you.

Because you gave your time and energy consistently.

Because little consistencies, build trust, make us feel safe, make us feel comfortable. So we we can be ourself.

And then suddenly we wake up one day, and it's as if we press a button, we go:

I love Him



Author: Roshni Jagroep

Roshni JagroepComment