Are you Happy?
I had a plan.
My plan was to get my degree at 23, find a job at 25, get married at 26, get pregnant with my first child at 28 and make my family especially my parents proud and then I could finally be happy…
Perfect plan right?
Well, I did precisely this. I got my masters in accounting at 23, started working at one of the largest international audit firms in the world at 24 and YES!! I got married at 26!
So naturally, you can guess I was the happiest person alive right??
Instead at 28, I found myself divorced, ashamed, childless,working almost 60 hours a week and guess what, I felt miserable…After contemplating every small detail of what could have gone wrong and what I could have done differently, I came to the realization that the problem lies with the fact that I was constantly chasing happiness…
I was chasing happiness, and with this constant hunt, I was unconsciously trying to control every single detail of my life.
When looking around me and having tons of conversations with people. I found that we all have this tremendous hunger for Joy and Happiness. And as a result of this immense hunger, we try to control…
May it be trying to control that ring that you’re trying to get on your finger, or trying to control when you’re going to get that cash in the bank, trying to control your achievements in sports in education, getting that perfect body or finding the perfect partner. Not realizing that with all this control, all of this manipulation and constant fighting to try to make something happen, we are creating resistance. Resistance to feeling happy at this exact moment.
I came to understand that true happiness is a feeling. Happiness is the feeling that I get when I can bring a smile to someone's face. Happiness is the feeling I get when you, say to me, "your writing inspires me." Those are the moments when I feel true happiness. Happiness is not something I will achieve in the future or something I will acquire in the future. Happiness is in the moments that I choose to be happy.
It is not by focusing on what is absent in my life but instead by shifting my focus to what is thriving at this moment, for some people this can be, passing an exam, entering into a new job, spending time with your beautiful children, having a healthy family. For me, happiness at this moment is feeling and trying to hold on to the feeling as long as possible of the love that I am feeling when I write.
Can you think of a moment which occurred in your life when you felt that indescribable feeling of intense happiness and love deep in your heart? Think of that moment and try to feel exactly how you felt then and try to drain that feeling by thinking of all the things you can be happy and grateful about in this moment and try to keep this feeling as long as possible.
Because this future we’re so ruthlessly chasing after, we will not experience as the future… As also the future will arrive as this Moment.
The question that we should ask is not: “Are you happy? But rather “Do you choose to be happy?”
What do you choose?
As said beautifully by William Ernest Henly in his Poem Invictus:
“You are the Master of your faith… You are the Captain of your soul.”
Author: Roshni Jagroep